“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.” – Mandy Hale
After being in a long term relationship for 5 years or more, you would feel lonely being by yourself. But fear not, that is a normal feeling to have. After all, you thought you had a family, being a good wife and a mom, now faced with uncertainty and pangs of self-worthiness. What you once knew, no longer applies, and you need to develop a new outlook. Often times we look for society, friends and family to dictate the rules we live by. We determine what is considered normal and what is wacky. Growing up, the idea of a family consisted of mom and dad and kids living together under one roof; divorced people were considered defaulted, void, someone who could not love anymore.
But break up changed that. Everywhere I looked there were complete families and there I was all by myself and my kids. The question raised in my head, how am I going to go about in the world with my kids. I did not feel complete, I thought I needed another man to define my happiness. I thought having a man would somehow make everything right to fit the idea of a perfect family.
It is not another man that I needed, rather, I needed to find myself. Below is what I recommend if you are just coming out of breakup :
1) Do not look for another relationship right away
This could lead to all sorts of trouble. You may end up falling for the same kind of person. You are stuffing your emotions away and not dealing with what just happened.
2) Spend time with yourself first
This might seem cruel, you're feeling completely alone and feeling that another person would fill that hole you have where you love for another once was. The reality of the matter is, the only permanent relationship you have is the one with self. You come into this world by yourself, (yes with help of your mom) and you die by yourself. You take yourself everywhere you go, thoughts, feelings and emotions they all follow you. Learn about yourself as much as you can. Spend time and figure out what you are all about. What makes you who you are. What do you like and dislike? How do you want other people to treat you? Take yourself out on a date.
3) Look at the breakup as a learning opportunity
Often times we fear failure. We fear what our parents, friends and family think of us. The unfortunate part of it is, failure is part of life, failure is how we learn. Failure is a lesson. Failure is an opportunity for growth. It doesn't matter how many times your fail. What matters is how quickly you get up and try again. Immediately after breakup, reflect on your life and ask yourself these questions:
What did I learn from this situation?
What did I learn about the person?
What did I learn about myself?
And journal them out. Journaling is a good habit to have. It is not good to suppress the emotions you are feeling. Let them out on paper and express how you feel. Be compassionate with yourself. You always operate to the best of your ability at the time. Never be a prisoner of your past. Be an architect of your future. Reflect on your past. Take a seat and do this for yourself. Never compare yourself to others. You are your own measuring stick. Compare you today to who you were yesterday. Run your own race.