Do's and Don'ts After Breakup

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. -Aristotle

What are some of the things you can be doing and what are some things that are not beneficial?

Well, first of and foremost is prioritizing self care. Each day, do something that brings you joy, nurtures you, like exercise, or nutrition or meditate or cook something satisfying. It's important to not drown in your feelings. And it's important to recognize that you cannot drown your sorrows in the glass of wine, for it’s something short lived. We need to establish and practice good behaviors and routines, that are sustainable, and doing those things for yourself. Whether it's baking, cooking, singing, dancing, taking a walk, meditating, but something that will nourish your soul, and your body and your mind.

Sleep is also very important. It's restorative, it helps you cope with pain after breakup. And sometimes it can be the answer, the short answer, but it's establishing your routine, your daily habits that you do for yourself. Because once your partner is no longer there in not in the same space with you, it becomes a totally different story, how you start your day, you want to change stuff, for the better and healthier you and express your feelings.

It's common to experience a lot of emotions after breakup, like anger, sadness, grief, confusion, and loneliness. So, it helps to acknowledge those feelings. And how do you do that, just simply journaling or writing them down expressing your emotions on paper, not holding them in. Because it's not doing anybody any good when you hold your emotions, close and dear to your heart. Let them out on paper, express them.

Because what happens when you hold on to them when they are inside of you, they can hurt you if you're not expressing them. They can manifest in a disease, in an unhealthy habits and unhealthy relationships. You might get sick, because we are energetic beings, and then we hold on to negative things of the past. They stay with us, and they manifest in other areas. Because for your mind, it doesn't matter when something happened in the past, or if something is happening presently. Or if it's in the future and you're anxious about it. For your mind it doesn't matter, because same parts of your brain light up. Anytime you experience an emotion, a feeling or a thought, whether it came from the past or from the present does not matter for your mind takes everything literally and personally. So, it's important to recognize that fact. And once you know that, start journaling, start telling how you feel. Write out what happened for yourself.

Some of the things I would not recommend doing after a breakup is getting yourself into another relationship. And sometimes you might want one or you might want to fill a void that you have, especially if you spent a long time being with someone and now you have this hole formed deep inside of you. And you don't want to feel empty anymore, you want to fill that hole. Well, hold on there. First, spend time with yourself, understand what it is that you want. Because by you going out and just feeling the space with someone else, all you're doing is a temporary fix. Or maybe you're going to get into the same kind of relationship where the person may look different, but the patterns and the things that triggered you are the same.

So it's important after the breakup to recognize what are some of the things that you want in the relationship? What kind of person do you want to be and you show up as for the relationship? What are some of the things that are non negotiable? What are some of the things that can never be tolerated, no matter who it is?

Yes, I understand two people come into each other's lives and form a partnership. They come from different walks of life with two different set of values. And we need to make a compromise. But remember, the compromises that you make. They could be big, they could be small. But once you start making those compromises a year later, you're going to turn around, and you're not going to recognize who you are, you're going to lose your identity, you're going to ask yourself, How did I allow this to happen?

Because all along the way during the year, the little warning bells that were going off in your head, you let them go, you let them go as an inconsequential, as if it doesn't matter, because you don't want to quarrel. But you do, you need to speak up, you need to voice your opinion, you need to let other people know, how you need to be treated, how you want to be treated, and how do you show up?

Because when you don't speak up, people assume this how it is, and this is okay. So, do express certain boundaries and express your emotions, about how you feel. What do you do? What kind of person you want in your life? And what kind of person do you need to be to attract that person that is perfect for you, because we are all different.

Another point I want to make is it's okay to ask for help. Because breakups are often rough with friends and family. Yes, they can help you and they can support you. But if they have never been in the situation you are in, how can they understand where you're coming from? How can they understand your feelings and emotions? Yes, they're helping you from a place of support and hope and love for you because they're your family. But truthfully, they don't know where you, how you're feeling. They don't know as they haven't walked your path, they haven't been in your shoes. And it's especially important to reach out if you feel depressed, if you feel sad, if you feel sort of hurting yourself, if you keep trying to contact your ex or think about contacting them often. I want you to know that you're not alone that I have been there where you are. 

So if you feel broken, if you feel depressed after a breakup, do reach out, and we'll see how I can help you become unstuck and move forward.