I think one of the things that I noticed a lot is obsession over past hurts. That's what keeps people stuck most of the time. So how do we get rid of it? How do we go past it?
What happens many times is we are stuck in the past. But for our brain it doesn't matter if something happened in the past, present, or future, same parts of our brain light up when we experience something. So for a brain doesn't matter whether it's happened yesterday or right now, you get to relive the same kind of emotions, the same kind of feelings as if they're happening now. So how do you release your obsession over past hurts?
Well, number one is acknowledging that it happened. Having the acceptance, acceptance is the first thing you need to look at. That's what's happening. Accept the situation, accept what has happened, and realize that you don't have to be in that state anymore. You don't have to be stuck, because the only person is that keeping you stuck right now is you. So accept the fact that negative event has happened, whether it was breakup, separation, or divorce after a long term relationship, accept the fact that that has happened, you cannot go back and change your past. But you definitely can change your future. By being here in the present. The first step in releasing obsession over past hurts is acceptance, accepting the situation where you are, because in any event, what happens you have two choices. You either accept the situation, or you remove yourself from it. So you always have two choices.
Second step in releasing, obsession over past hurts is forgiveness. And when you forgive somebody, this is by no means that you are letting them off the hook. This is not the case, what you are doing is you are forgiving YOU first and foremost. You're not letting the other person win. But what it does allow you to do is you can step then boldly into the future by being in the present. It is like taking off a very heavy bag off your shoulders, dropping it off and stepping into the present. Forgiveness is always for you. You're doing it so that you can release your identity. You can release who you were in the past. Forgiving yourself, forgiving who you used to be in the situation. Forgiving your partner, forgiving the situation that you were in. We always operate to the best of our ability with the knowledge that we have available at the time. So keeping that in mind, forgive who you were as a person before, forgive the situation you were in and step forward.
How do you forgive? Well, there are many tools available. There are many things and techniques, you can meditate. You can if you believe in God, you can go to church and you can say a prayer. Whatever works for you, you can do that. But it is an important part in releasing your obsession over past hurts over past partners, past relationships, moving forward. Forgiveness is the second step in releasing your obsession of past hurts.
And the last step that I want to mention is gratitude. Gratitude, no matter maybe you've heard about it already many times. Even in the midst of a disaster, even in the midst of a bad situation, there are always things that you can be grateful for. The fact that you woke up in the morning and you get to see sunrise again. The fact that you can breathe air again. It means your life, your mission here on Earth is not over yet. The fact that you're alive, it means there is still opportunity for you. Every day that we get, every day you know it's called the present and it's called the present for a reason. Every day is a gift. So treat it as such.
When you wake up in the morning the as soon as your feet hit the floor say three things you are grateful for and don't don't just mouth the words, really feel it deep in your heart. See it in your eyes, say it so your ears can hear, so that all of your senses can be engaged in that sense of gratitude. When you engage all your senses, you can truly feel alive, you can truly feel present to the present moment. The fact that you have roof over your head, or you have food on your table, the fact that you can see a smile on your child's face, or the fact that your body can move.
How often do you take for granted things that are inconsequential? Have you ever thought about it? How many systems are operating that allow you to breathe everyday, or allow you to work? Have you ever appreciated that simple fact, oftentimes, what happens is until you lose something, then we truly start appreciating the things that are most important.
I recently had a knee injury. And for the longest time, it's a simple act of walking that you take for granted every day you wake up and you walk, and you have no issues. But only when you lose it, only when you lose something that was so simple, that you start appreciating that simple fact. So be grateful.
If you have a person in your life who is stuck, who feels broken, who feels lost after breakup, after divorce, reach out, share my message with them.